Joan Rivers

[Malcolm]

He had some brilliant material before The Cosby Show...

He ran out of funny sometime before I was born, if he ever had any. I simply do not get him. Yeah, Grammy award winner, blah, blah, blah. I'd chalk it up to differences in eras, but there are all kinds of old-timey folks in all areas of art that I find interesting. I don't think 1950-1970s comedy is my particular blind spot, even if you want to categorize it by ethnicity.

[TheCatt]

Jim Gaffigan - clean.

[Vince]

Did the Carson/Rivers rift become known and gossip page fodder before or during her show, or did it become public after?

[Paul]

"I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery."

"I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware."

"I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My make-up team is nominated for Best Special Effects."

"Looking 50 is great - if you're 60."

"The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery."

"You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it."

"I said to my husband, 'my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs'. He said, "Blue goes with everything."

"When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off."

"You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police."

"I must admit I'm nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it."

"The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate'. For me that would be a shroud."

"Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her."

"At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents."

"I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?'. He said, "I don't want to wake you up."

"I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout."

"My husband killed himself. And it was my fault. We were making love and I took the bag off my head."

"Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name."

"My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing: 'Pick up, I know you're there.'"

"When I was born, my mother asked the doctor: 'Will she live?'. He said, 'Only if you take your foot off her throat'."

"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."

[TPRJones]

Entertainment without absurdity.... That's what Bill Cosby is.

Clearly someone has never seen Leonard Part 6.

[Malcolm]

Entertainment without absurdity.... That's what Bill Cosby is.

Clearly someone has never seen Leonard Part 6.

Not what they were shooting for. That's an example in Film 101 everyone should see. So no one ever fucks up that badly again.