Trump 2016

[Malcolm]

He def should have taken one for the team and quit, who does he think he is being the most popular candidate among the american people?

He was the most popular among the walking dickbags that the pachyderms trotted up on stage. That's not the same audience as "everyone in the country." Try again. Polls say that literally anyone else in the nation except his opponent would be less hated.

[GORDON]

He won the states, that's all the research I plan on doing. Again, how fucking dare he.

[Malcolm]

I can't recall a previous election where I wasn't 100% certain every member of a party was voting for their party's candidate. I sure as hell can't remember an intra-party meltdown this public and hideous.

[Vince]

Ben Shapiro
‏@benshapiro Ben Shapiro Retweeted KPLC
If that's not a metaphor for this year, not sure what is.Ben Shapiro added,
KPLC @KPLC7News
DEVELOPING: Activists from Black Lives Matter, Westboro Baptist Church and the KKK throwing urine at each other>>http://bit.ly/29KaUI8

[Malcolm]

I can see it now. The "Golden Showers" political coalition.

[Vince]

He won the states, that's all the research I plan on doing. Again, how fucking dare he.

True. Now we get to choose between Hillary and her donor. Thanks guys!

[Vince]

Ben Shapiro
‏@benshapiro Ben Shapiro Retweeted Fox News
Registered Democrats nominate Republican nominee.Ben Shapiro added,

1:40
Fox News @FoxNews
.@DonaldJTrumpJr: "It is my honor to be able to throw #DonaldTrump over the top in the delegate count tonight..."

[TPRJones]

I think it's well established that Drumpf could, literally, cure cancer and you'd criticize it.

It's not the curing of cancer that would be the problem, it's how much of a smug prick he'd be about it.

[GORDON]

I'd rather die of cancer than see him be smug.

I'd rather we have 10 Benghazis than see a woman democrat gets criticized for being murderously incompetent.

Sounds about right.

[Malcolm]

I'm doing my part to prevent future Benghazis by not voting for either candidate, either of whom would be murderously incompetent.

[GORDON]

I had to look up the "Drumpf" thing I kept seeing over and over, lately. Turns out that was his ancestor's immigrant name. Is it being used as an insult? That's the context in which I always see it.

[Malcolm]

Nah, I consider it to be the same as referring to New Zealand as Van Dieman's Land. Insults? Those are more direct. Dickless, dimwit, dense, dickweed, dumb-ass, dumpy, orangutan, racist, xenophobe, oblivious to reality -- those are insults.

[GORDON]

Ah yes, now that I think about it that name is usually used out of respect to his ancestry.

[Vince]

McConnell asks the country to vote for POTUS who believes in American exceptionalism.

[Malcolm]

Ah yes, now that I think about it that name is usually used out of respect to his ancestry.

Drumpf is entirely neutral, aside from sounding less impressive than his current surname. Is it an insult to call the House of Windsor the House of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha because at a couple points in time last century, it was unfashionable for the English monarch's name to sound German?

How funny is it, though, that the soon-to-be-crowned GOP nominee in 2016 actually criticized Barack Obama, of all people, for talking about “American exceptionalism” too much? About 80 percent of Trump’s controversies the past year would have triggered full-scale meltdowns in conservative media coming from a prominent character on the left like O and this quote is no, er, exception. As it is, hardly anyone will bat an eye. Partisan tribalism can move intellectual mountains.

I think 80's a little low.

[Vince]

Here Is Who Donald Trump Wants for Treasury Secretary

But... Heidi Cruz! Derp! Goldman Sachs! Derp! Globalists! Derp derp!

[Malcolm]

How Donnie the Disappointment tried to court Kasich for VP.

Donald Jr. wanted to make him an offer nonetheless: Did he have any interest in being the most powerful vice president in history?

When Kasich’s adviser asked how this would be the case, Donald Jr. explained that his father’s vice president would be in charge of domestic and foreign policy.

Then what, the adviser asked, would Trump be in charge of?

“Making America great again” was the casual reply.

[TheCatt]

Trump will fix everything

"I have a message for all of you: the crime and violence that today afflicts our nation will soon come to an end," he will say. "Beginning on January 20th, 2017, safety will be restored."

[GORDON]

It was cool when the other guy said "And the waters will recede," though.

[Malcolm]

Trump will fix everything

"I have a message for all of you: the crime and violence that today afflicts our nation will soon come to an end," he will say. "Beginning on January 20th, 2017, safety will be restored."

I'm watching Ivanka's speech. Holy shit. Off the charts bad. Tiny Dick Donnie is up there himself now. I swear to jeebus this shit is so blunt and one-dimensional, he had Oliver Stone write the script. Also amusing was the non-stop list of all-stars he had speaking, like former Reagan Deputy Undersecretary of the Interior, Some Guy. And where I'd normally expect to see party elders talking about where the nation should go, I see his kids pinky swearing to the American public that their dad really isn't as big an asshole as he seems once behind closed doors. I was waiting for, "If my father had decided to be an astronaut, we'd have cities on Mars already. My dad's presidency will make you so hard you won't need Viagra, you'll just need to look at a picture of him in the Oval Office. My dad will beat the shit out of ISIS over the weekend and give their leaders pig blood enemas during enhanced interrogation sessions before he bludgeons them to death with his massive cock ... but he doesn't want to get involved in any other foreign wars. Just that one, you know?"