I took my oldest (7 years old) to see this on Saturday. The theater was PACKED.
I figured despite this movie sucking, it'd be a good entry point for her due to the little kid and the racist rip off of Goofy. It worked because she enjoyed the film. Meanwhile, I was sitting there thinking, "Holy shit, this is worse than I remember."
George Lucas CAN craft an epic. The problem is that he gets completely lost in the details. This film isn't terrible if you're looking at the summary, but once you hear the dialogue...ugh.
The story of little Vader is just soooooo absurd. Here's a kid with no dad who was miraculously conceived by the Force. Yet nobody thinks this birth is miraculous, not even the Jedi who supposedly have a connection to the Force, so instead of being born in a manger and visited by three kings, this kid becomes a slave. A slave who at 6-8 years old has already constructed C3PO and built a pod racer that "took him a few years". Instead of having him clean and organize in the shop, a wise business guy like whatever that fly's name was, would have him building things to sell! One thing that is really unsettling about the kid is that he acts so unrealistically mature for his age that I believe he starred on Dawson's Creek. The kid goes on to win a pod race where his pod racer was fast enough to catch the super fast leader after failing to start for the race's first 2 minutes, yet once caught up, can't seem to just blow past the leader. It also suffers a catastrophic mechanical failure that killed at least one other driver instantly, yet somehow it stays intact long enough for him to make a repair. From there the 6-8 year old kid, whose whole world is his mom, says goodbye to her with all the emotion that you'd have while throwing away an empty bag of chips. She's staying a slave, but he gets to go free, and he acts like he's just running to the store for groceries. And hey, nobody is around when they leave, why the FUCK, didn't they simply take her with them? Is the fly guy going to chase them to the ends of the galaxy to get her back? No, that bitch was broke from the race. He's not doing shit, and even if he did, they're the fucking Jedi!!! Seriously LUcas, what is the message there? I won't even get into the midchlorians and how the Jedi Council reacts to him because it's mind meltingly stupid. My 7 year old even said it was dumb. But wait, they then take this child to a planet that is currently under siege by an invasion force. Hey Qui-Gon Jinn, social services would like to have a word with you! As soon as they land they get into a fire fight where the enemy is trying to stop people from enter these jet fighters, so that's where they hide the kid!!!! Then he pushes a single button which launches the fighter and sends it into battle...in space! He then gets shot once which sends him into the enemy ship right where he needs to be to destroy the ship. A spot the military attacking the ship apparently had no clue about. He accidentally shots the reactors, blowing up the enemy ship, and escapes safely back to the planet. Oh, and did I mention that Throughout the movie the kid is putting the moves on the queen of this planet who has to be more than a decade older than him? So apparently she's a pedophile.
Seriously, how does Liam Neeson take this role? At the end of the day, Jar Jar Binks came off as the better character. Qui-Gon Jinn is a moron throughout the film. Seriously, watch it again and focus on him. He's a fraud. His character was an elitist jackoff who couldn't be bothered to save a couple of slaves, and instead gambled an entire planet on a 6-8 year old winning a podrace. He ignored the Jedi Council, started teaching the kid, then made Obi-Wan promise to continue the training. So Qui-Gon Jinn made Darth Vader. On top of all that, he got himself killed. Oh, he also saved Jar Jar Binks the first moment we see him, so blame him for that shit too.
One thing I never noticed before was how racist the Gungans were. Did nobody else notice that they had an Asian accent, and an inferiority complex? Not just an Asian accent, but the really racist one. You know what I'm talking about...
I honestly think Lucas could've made a very good Star Wars film here, but he was hampered by his own ego. Far too much confidence in his own story telling, and not enough influence from others. All he needed was another writer(s) to help him fill out the details. Everything that sucked about this film wasn't "grand scope" stuff, it was everything else.
If George Lucas gives Timothy Zahn the overview of the "prequels" and let's him back out the plot details, George would now be working on Episiodes 7-9.
Despite all that, it's still fun to get my kid into the series. I'm doing everything I can not to sway her opinions, but I have indicated that I look forward to Episode 4.
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
Yeah, it was pretty awful. It's not a movie, it's a flashy theme park thrill ride interrupted by episodes of black- and yellow-face racist acting and Jedi with hints of eugenic inclinations.
The Phantom Edit is better enough to qualify as an actual movie, but still there's only so much that could be done.
The Phantom Edit is better enough to qualify as an actual movie, but still there's only so much that could be done.
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He then gets shot once which sends him into the enemy ship right where he needs to be to destroy the ship. A spot the military attacking the ship apparently had no clue about. He accidentally shots the reactors, blowing up the enemy ship, and escapes safely back to the planet.
The Force.
It's not me, it's someone else.
This kid enters a battle he never should have been in, finds an entrance into a space station everyone else is ignoring, destroys the space station, and escapes.
That's not the Force. That's bullshit writing. That's trying to make a movie kid friendly and going way, way, way overboard.
This miracle kid goes on to get his ass handed to him by Obi-Wan, and later his own kid. If the Force is so strong with him, why the fuck was he such a shitty fighter? Why did his son, who is more powerful, have so much trouble fighting a floating laser shooting droid on the Falcon?
And hey, if Darth was too old to start training as a Jedi in this film, why the fuck did Obi-Wan wait until Luke was in his 20s before training him? Why'd nobody bother training Leia in this sexist universe?
And what the hell is up with R2-D2? Is he from Naboo? Who made him? Why is he so much better than other droids? Why don't the other droids have his personality? I wish they'd show his origin. Maybe id, Blizzard, and Valve all got together and wrote code for R2?
I gave a lot of thought to not taking her, but spending time with her, and sharing something with her that I love, even if it's the most abysmal part, trumped boycotting it. Besides, I don't own a single DVD set of Star Wars, so I like to think my boycott there balances things out.
I still have the original trilogy on VHS before any Lucas edits. I need to transfer those to DVD. Who wants copies?
That's not the Force. That's bullshit writing. That's trying to make a movie kid friendly and going way, way, way overboard.
This miracle kid goes on to get his ass handed to him by Obi-Wan, and later his own kid. If the Force is so strong with him, why the fuck was he such a shitty fighter? Why did his son, who is more powerful, have so much trouble fighting a floating laser shooting droid on the Falcon?
And hey, if Darth was too old to start training as a Jedi in this film, why the fuck did Obi-Wan wait until Luke was in his 20s before training him? Why'd nobody bother training Leia in this sexist universe?
And what the hell is up with R2-D2? Is he from Naboo? Who made him? Why is he so much better than other droids? Why don't the other droids have his personality? I wish they'd show his origin. Maybe id, Blizzard, and Valve all got together and wrote code for R2?
I didn't let my mother-in-law take my kid to see this movie.
I gave a lot of thought to not taking her, but spending time with her, and sharing something with her that I love, even if it's the most abysmal part, trumped boycotting it. Besides, I don't own a single DVD set of Star Wars, so I like to think my boycott there balances things out.
I still have the original trilogy on VHS before any Lucas edits. I need to transfer those to DVD. Who wants copies?
“Activism is a way for useless people to feel important, even if the consequences of their activism are counterproductive for those they claim to be helping and damaging to the fabric of society as a whole.” - Dr Thomas Sowell
In TPM, no one is competent on purpose. The stupid kid accidentally wins the space battle by firing his guns by accident. Jar jar wins the ground war by getting a gun stuck to his foot and accidentally shooting half the droid armu, after accidentally destroying the other half by accidentally spilling the bouncy blue exploding paintballs. There are other instances i am forgetting at the moment.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
Jar jar wins the ground war by getting a gun stuck to his foot and accidentally shooting half the droid armu
I was waiting for that scene in the film, and he actually only shoots 3.
after accidentally destroying the other half by accidentally spilling the bouncy blue exploding paintballs
BEFORE, not after and he only kills two tanks and a droid. Right after that is when he surrenders.
Anakin actually won that battle with his accidental get in the ship, fly it, land in the station right next to reactor, shoot the reactor, and escape...again, ALL by one accident after another.
One thing that just occurred to me is that Obi-Wan has NOTHING to do with the kid the entire film. He doesn't even want anything to do with Jar Jar.
“Activism is a way for useless people to feel important, even if the consequences of their activism are counterproductive for those they claim to be helping and damaging to the fabric of society as a whole.” - Dr Thomas Sowell
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thibodeaux
- Posts: 8121
- Joined: Thu May 20, 2004 7:32 pm
In the beginning of TPM, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon have super speed. They zip around like the Flash. Yet, in the saber duel with Darth Maul, Obi-Wan doesn't use his super speed to catch back up to the fight.
No George, you're a GREAT writer...
No George, you're a GREAT writer...
“Activism is a way for useless people to feel important, even if the consequences of their activism are counterproductive for those they claim to be helping and damaging to the fabric of society as a whole.” - Dr Thomas Sowell
Yeah, I was thinking that while actually watching the film for the first time in the theater, it was so obvious.thibodeaux wrote:You know what's REALLY stupid? In the beginning of the 3rd movie, they're flying around in little ships, and Anakin uses his ship's wing to knock a droid off Obi-Wan's ship. Hello? Use the Force, Anakin!
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
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thibodeaux
- Posts: 8121
- Joined: Thu May 20, 2004 7:32 pm
More proof that Lucas is a moron.
So in February 2012 LucasArts re-released SW:EP1 in 3D so new audiences could see it.
Today they announced the next two films will be released in Sept & Oct of 2013.
Good planning. Release one a year and a half before releasing the next two on top of each other. When will the next three come out? Over a single weekend in 2030?
So in February 2012 LucasArts re-released SW:EP1 in 3D so new audiences could see it.
Today they announced the next two films will be released in Sept & Oct of 2013.
Good planning. Release one a year and a half before releasing the next two on top of each other. When will the next three come out? Over a single weekend in 2030?
“Activism is a way for useless people to feel important, even if the consequences of their activism are counterproductive for those they claim to be helping and damaging to the fabric of society as a whole.” - Dr Thomas Sowell
How about leaving the prequel stories to everyone's imagination so they didn't suck ass?thibodeaux wrote:The success of the original trilogy is due to (in no particular order):
1. Marcia Lucas
2. Irving Kirschner
3. Industrial Light and Magic
Discuss.
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Having just watched Star Wars I-III: A Phantom Edit I can recommend it. It's the three movies cut down into one movie length piece, focusing on the core story of Anakin Skywalker's turn towards darkness. It actually makes it into a reasonably acceptable movie. Not as good as any of the rest of Star Wars, but far better then the prequels actually were.
Some of the cuts are a little jarring because to do something like this right it needed a few more transition elements than it has, although some were built out of spare parts. The acting still feels somewhat lifeless. The editor chose to keep a couple of bits I would have left out. But on the whole it'll do.
Some of the cuts are a little jarring because to do something like this right it needed a few more transition elements than it has, although some were built out of spare parts. The acting still feels somewhat lifeless. The editor chose to keep a couple of bits I would have left out. But on the whole it'll do.
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And now I hate TPR.TheCatt wrote:I hate Leisher for making me think of this movie again.
Having just watched Star Wars I-III: A Phantom Edit I can recommend it. It's the three movies cut down into one movie length piece, focusing on the core story of Anakin Skywalker's turn towards darkness. It actually makes it into a reasonably acceptable movie. Not as good as any of the rest of Star Wars, but far better then the prequels actually were.
Hmmm.... tempting.
It's not me, it's someone else.