My mother-in-law - The art of learning to not give a fuck.
There are limits as to what can be "locked down." I'd love to lock her in her room, but that's illegal. I can't feasibly lock the refrigerator up. Certainly technically possible, but inconvenient enough that it would be a pain in the ass for everyone else trying to live a normal life.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
-
thibodeaux
- Posts: 8121
- Joined: Thu May 20, 2004 7:32 pm
You either have to lock the bad stuff up or accept the fact that she's going to get into it.
“Activism is a way for useless people to feel important, even if the consequences of their activism are counterproductive for those they claim to be helping and damaging to the fabric of society as a whole.” - Dr Thomas Sowell
Accepting it will snowball with the evident fact that she has no self-control, and then that combo means she's just going to spiral downward into diapers and leg stumps and be calling him seven times a day to wipe her ass again.Leisher wrote:You either have to lock the bad stuff up or accept the fact that she's going to get into it.
Draconian is the way to go.
We're Back: A Dinosaur's Story
I don't feel bad because my kid likes to have a scoop of ice cream for dessert, after dinner. Ice cream is one of the Monster's favorite things, so there is one of the problems.thibodeaux wrote:Don't keep any of the stuff she's not supposed to eat. The rest of you probably would be better off without it anyway.
Considering getting a second freezer for the basement, that we could actually lock.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
Alhazad wrote:Leisher wrote:You either have to lock the bad stuff up or accept the fact that she's going to get into it.
Accepting it will snowball with the evident fact that she has no self-control, and then that combo means she's just going to spiral downward into diapers and leg stumps and be calling him seven times a day to wipe her ass again.
Draconian is the way to go.
I think that spiral into madness is inevitable, it is the nature of old people. I do have my limit. She WILL be homeless if she can't keep her own ass clean, if the rest of her family doesn't step up at that point. I will take her and drop her off on a doorstep of one of her brothers.
Edited By GORDON on 1447012441
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
I found some old MIL quotes from 2003 that I put on the main dtman page. Check out what an awesome person she was before the dementia hit.
"We were happier when I was younger. The country was a better place then. People didn't get divorced, and families spent time together."
+++
"People looked down on you back then if your parents were divorced. Some parents wouldn't let their kids play with me because of my parents being divorced.
"And that's better than the way things are now?
"Yes.
"Do you think there's still that horrible stigma attached to divorce these days?
"Yes."
+++
"Computers don't really speed up the world. In the old days I could just walk into a store and buy something. Now, every other time the computer is down and I have to wait.
"Yeah, well, the computer is still doing the work of 5 people, in inventory
management alone.
"Yeah, well, everybody had a job back then, too.
"Today unemployment is about 5%. During the Great Depression it was about 30%.
"I wasn't alive then. And nobody was lazy then, everybody worked."
+++
"Computer programming doesn't really require you to be smart. Most everything is done off disks someone else already created.
"Actually, I wrote programs to disk every day.
"You actually created the disk?
"Yes.
"You created the disk in the factory?
"Oh, errr, well no. But I wrote the programs that went on the disks.
"See?"
++++
"Things were better in the old days.
"Well, you guys had Polio.
"Your generation has AIDS.
"So, your generation was better because your disease only killed kids?"
++++
"Sitting in front of a computer all day isn't work. It's just being lazy."
++++
"Autoworkers are smarter than computer people, because they make more money. My
husband made more than you do."
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
-
thibodeaux
- Posts: 8121
- Joined: Thu May 20, 2004 7:32 pm
Listened to an American Life podcast about taking care of a woman with Alzheimers. They decided to treat it like improv: you don't ever contradict the woman, you just play along. Like, she says "hey there's monkeys in the yard." The son-in-law (I'm not making that up, the SIL is her favorite person now) says "hmm, it's kind of early in the season for monkeys. Should we go catch them?" "No, you can't keep monkeys in the house!"
Anyway. One thing that I found interesting was that she was diabetic and always wanted more cereal and ice cream.
Look, I'm not an expert, but I just don't understand feeding a diabetic cereal or ice cream AT ALL. None.
Anyway. One thing that I found interesting was that she was diabetic and always wanted more cereal and ice cream.
Look, I'm not an expert, but I just don't understand feeding a diabetic cereal or ice cream AT ALL. None.
"We were happier when I was younger. The country was a better place then. People didn't get divorced, and families spent time together."
Meh, everyone romanticizes the past.
"Do you think there's still that horrible stigma attached to divorce these days?
"Yes."
I'm kinda, sorta on her side here. Let me explain...
Look at the whiny, ungrateful college kids of today. Any sort of adversity in their life is something to be shunned and scorned, not overcome. Everything is someone else's fault, and people need to do everything to accommodate them instead of them acclimating themselves. Everyone's a winner and the only consequences of bad actions is a time out.
Doesn't it make sense that the divorce rate is climbing and we've removed the stigma from "failing" at marriage?
This is not a pro-marriage argument or anything like that. Just pointing out that we shouldn't be surprised if kids we raise to be pussies choose to run instead of fight when tough times hit.
"Sitting in front of a computer all day isn't work. It's just being lazy."
I know people who sit in front of a computer all day, yet bitch about co-workers who do the same. People just want to bitch.
"Autoworkers are smarter than computer people, because they make more money. My
husband made more than you do."
This is my favorite one. Her husband's asshole unions and the car makers they worked for thought they were sitting on a river of cash that would never end. They were short sighted, greedy, and stupid. Ask Detroit.
And it's something that doesn't exist anymore.
Based on the bankruptcies my wife saw and our own experiences living in an automaker's town, those autoworkers spent their personal money with the same short-sightedness. Amazing how many autoworkers making "huge money" are alcoholic and living in trailer parks.
By the way, how many Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, etc. of the autoworker's world are there? Has anyone ever taken a job on a manufacturing line and taken that job to one worth billions?
“Activism is a way for useless people to feel important, even if the consequences of their activism are counterproductive for those they claim to be helping and damaging to the fabric of society as a whole.” - Dr Thomas Sowell
thibodeaux wrote:(I'm not making that up, the SIL is her favorite person now)
That's funny. In my case, it is because the kids who grew up with her as a mother now hate her guts.... I came onboard with no baggage, so I don't automatically scream at her every time she does something annoying like her natural children do.
Look, I'm not an expert, but I just don't understand feeding a diabetic cereal or ice cream AT ALL. None.
It's a constant struggle. I stopped buying her "no sugar added" ice cream because she was incapable of eating it in moderation.... a half gallon would literally be gone in two days. Now I find the ice cream for regular people... which I stash in the back of the freezer... with these little "I am old and my hands are weak" scoops taken out of it, and the chocolate syrup is not where we leave it, and there is a dirty bowl in the sink from overnight after everyone else is in bed, but damn does she get pissed if we accuse her of eating ice cream.
As for cereal... I discovered the "weigh watchers" brand, which at least is very low carb and sugar. She still burns through 2 boxes in about a week, but it is better than her sneaking high-sugar snacks. I can't stop the smuggling, but I can control it to some extent.
Edited By GORDON on 1448897700
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
The MIL talks to other old women in the pool when she is doing her ol-lady-water-aerobics, and that's fine, but unfortunately one of them wanted to do a social thing with her and I was stuck organizing it.
It is a potluck at a church, and my MIL wanted to go and wanted to take baked beans, the secret ingredient being... wait for it... extra brown sugar.
I had to talk to the old woman who invited her, tell her where we lived (for some reason I was not wanted for driving her to this church [red flag]), and I had to take the MIL out to purchase her baked bean accouterments.
At Walmart, we are having this long discussion about which can of beans she wanted to buy and then add sugar to... then at the end of the aisle with the beans in the cart, she says, "Don't forget I need to get baked bean stuff while we are here." Ditto in the brown sugar aisle. Long story short, this has been a bit of an ordeal on my time and patience helping her to have a bit of a social life.
Anyway, the potluck is today after all the old ladies do water aerobics, and I suggested to the MIL that she make her BBs last night so she didn't need to get up early and do it before she goes swimming, and she said she is fine she can get up an extra 30 minutes early.
So this morning... *knock knock knock*
MIL: *sputter gasp* wha?
Me: "Wake up, we have the YMCA this morning and you need to make your beans."
MIL: "I'm not going, I have a headache."
Me: "You're not going to the potluck either?"
MIL: "No, I have a headache."
So that's that.
It is a potluck at a church, and my MIL wanted to go and wanted to take baked beans, the secret ingredient being... wait for it... extra brown sugar.
I had to talk to the old woman who invited her, tell her where we lived (for some reason I was not wanted for driving her to this church [red flag]), and I had to take the MIL out to purchase her baked bean accouterments.
At Walmart, we are having this long discussion about which can of beans she wanted to buy and then add sugar to... then at the end of the aisle with the beans in the cart, she says, "Don't forget I need to get baked bean stuff while we are here." Ditto in the brown sugar aisle. Long story short, this has been a bit of an ordeal on my time and patience helping her to have a bit of a social life.
Anyway, the potluck is today after all the old ladies do water aerobics, and I suggested to the MIL that she make her BBs last night so she didn't need to get up early and do it before she goes swimming, and she said she is fine she can get up an extra 30 minutes early.
So this morning... *knock knock knock*
MIL: *sputter gasp* wha?
Me: "Wake up, we have the YMCA this morning and you need to make your beans."
MIL: "I'm not going, I have a headache."
Me: "You're not going to the potluck either?"
MIL: "No, I have a headache."
So that's that.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
So there's the constant question: does she really have dementia, or is she faking and using it as an excuse? I think it's legit and she has a rotten brain, my wife thinks she fakes it a lot.
"Oh, was I supposed to do dishes while you were gone? I forgot."
"Oh, did I already have a bowl of cereal today and now I am having another? I forgot."
"Oh, was I supposed to stop playing mah jong on the computer after 2 hours? I forgot."
Well, tis the season, and we are getting rid of all the xmas cookies and shit, slowly. I try to keep things up out of her reach but I only have so many hiding places... but there was a big container of chocolate chip cookies with just a few left, and we told her we knew there were 5 left and keep out of them, and she yells, "I'm not going to get into the cookies, stop accusing me of things." Well today we get back from doing a thing and there are two cookies. And I decided to just ask her how many she had, even though I already knew the answer. Without hesitating, "I only had one, I swear. I knew my doctor would say I could have one." No she wouldn't.
And then I took her to my family's house for the xmas gathering, and we told her to stay away from the dessert table, "I'M NOT GOING TO GO TO THE DESSERT TABLE, STOP ACCUSING ME OF THINGS." Well we watched her hit it 3 times, she would stuff something in her mouth while her back was to us, and palm something else on the way by us because she thought we couldnt' see. She is actively being sneaky, using subterfuge, because she knows she isn't supposed to be eating it. I'm starting to think she actually is just a fucking liar, and there is no dementia.
"Oh, was I supposed to do dishes while you were gone? I forgot."
"Oh, did I already have a bowl of cereal today and now I am having another? I forgot."
"Oh, was I supposed to stop playing mah jong on the computer after 2 hours? I forgot."
Well, tis the season, and we are getting rid of all the xmas cookies and shit, slowly. I try to keep things up out of her reach but I only have so many hiding places... but there was a big container of chocolate chip cookies with just a few left, and we told her we knew there were 5 left and keep out of them, and she yells, "I'm not going to get into the cookies, stop accusing me of things." Well today we get back from doing a thing and there are two cookies. And I decided to just ask her how many she had, even though I already knew the answer. Without hesitating, "I only had one, I swear. I knew my doctor would say I could have one." No she wouldn't.
And then I took her to my family's house for the xmas gathering, and we told her to stay away from the dessert table, "I'M NOT GOING TO GO TO THE DESSERT TABLE, STOP ACCUSING ME OF THINGS." Well we watched her hit it 3 times, she would stuff something in her mouth while her back was to us, and palm something else on the way by us because she thought we couldnt' see. She is actively being sneaky, using subterfuge, because she knows she isn't supposed to be eating it. I'm starting to think she actually is just a fucking liar, and there is no dementia.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."