Umm....Malcolm wrote:...because I have "communication" issues. Fuckwits.
Work
We hired these retards to give us a talk. I'm deciding if I should:
1) attend for the wise-ass remark and entertainment value
2) take a day of vacation
3) refuse and see what happens
Speaking of retarded, the boss's boss felt the need to lecture a room full of programmers about phishing scams. Two fucking days prior, there were suited monkeys handing out "how to spot a phishing email" pamphlets at the entry doors. I couldn't keep a straight face.
Manager: This isn't funny. This is serious. Someone's machine got hacked last week and they got away with a spreadsheet full of other credentials.
Me: [laughs a bit harder, then finally recovers] You mean someone really hacked his system or he left his password lying around?
Manager: They got his password somehow.
Me: Have you ever considered non-textual authentication? I mean, it's kind of hard to guess an image from your facebook profile, unlike your middle name, your birth date, wife's maiden name, mother's maiden name, dog's name, the street you grew up on, the first car you owned, or "password1."
Manager: [blank stare] ...
Probably staying on double s33kr1t probation.
Edited By Malcolm on 1435283345
1) attend for the wise-ass remark and entertainment value
2) take a day of vacation
3) refuse and see what happens
Speaking of retarded, the boss's boss felt the need to lecture a room full of programmers about phishing scams. Two fucking days prior, there were suited monkeys handing out "how to spot a phishing email" pamphlets at the entry doors. I couldn't keep a straight face.
Manager: This isn't funny. This is serious. Someone's machine got hacked last week and they got away with a spreadsheet full of other credentials.
Me: [laughs a bit harder, then finally recovers] You mean someone really hacked his system or he left his password lying around?
Manager: They got his password somehow.
Me: Have you ever considered non-textual authentication? I mean, it's kind of hard to guess an image from your facebook profile, unlike your middle name, your birth date, wife's maiden name, mother's maiden name, dog's name, the street you grew up on, the first car you owned, or "password1."
Manager: [blank stare] ...
Probably staying on double s33kr1t probation.
Edited By Malcolm on 1435283345
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
CRINGE alert
and
and
sic, sic, sic.
For years, we have pragmatically taught new ideas to eager learners and advanced topics to seasoned pros. From cutting edge technologies, the practical use of agile methods, to product design and product thinking, our courses run the gambit. Peruse our course catalog and let us know what peaks your curiousity.
and
Our product development teams are composed of software engineers and designer who are curious, skilled, and passionate about building products that matter.
and
We've designed and built products for small businesses, large companies, non-profits and individuals. From ideation to design to delivery, our product developers are producing mobile ready solutions of all kinds.
sic, sic, sic.
It's not me, it's someone else.
What peaks my curiosity? Or piques? My curiosity will not be mounted against its will.TheCatt wrote:CRINGE alertandFor years, we have pragmatically taught new ideas to eager learners and advanced topics to seasoned pros. From cutting edge technologies, the practical use of agile methods, to product design and product thinking, our courses run the gambit. Peruse our course catalog and let us know what peaks your curiousity.andOur product development teams are composed of software engineers and designer who are curious, skilled, and passionate about building products that matter.sic, sic, sic.We've designed and built products for small businesses, large companies, non-profits and individuals. From ideation to design to delivery, our product developers are producing mobile ready solutions of all kinds.
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
One of my co-workers just quit, and emailed out this to the entire department:
Hi all,
Sorry to inform that I would be leaving ###### Inc, effective 06/29/2015 around noon.
This is completely for personal reasons. To be honest last year has been my most productive and best working experience I had in USA. This was because of testing + development team in ###### Inc, Software development team and few other friends from system test team.
My personal reasons was reached after observing North Carolina, politics past two years, I suspect this state is KKK head quarters. They are racists period. Past few days in trying to understand my conspiracy theory, I have been paying attention connection between roads, oil/gas, cars (furturistic) coupled with Google and Tesla.
After realizing all this I did not want my hard earned money and valuable time getting dumped into building this very Kingdom in the name of North/South Carolina Politics.
They are building a white kingdom right in front of our neighborhoods.
In this state my past work experience was not pleasant either. I found that working in IT is primarily driven by racial politics.
Hope that is not the case with ######, Inc.
If you are interested on my thoughts and details on my conspiracy theory:
You can always reach me @:
######################
P.S. Sincerely and truly appreciate me giving a chance to write this email.
I am very glad you had voted for Obama in 2008 and you had democratic party last term. If you do not take action keeping Obama/Biden tags or stickers could become a crime in future – that is the rate KKK are working to change politics landscape and create new scenic routes to suit their life style, totally violating fundamental rights of citizen and cheating on founding fathers wisdom. These “White Supremacists” are pinheads and weasels living with us as OUTLIERS.
Here is a song if we have any music lovers and one’s who care to listen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4PtVOSlDck
It's not me, it's someone else.
So..... my manager called me into his office this morning (I can never tell whether he's delivering good news or bad news), I've got a shit-ton of work to get done, and not sure what he could be referring to.TheCatt wrote:So I work for a company that loves me. CEO knows me, VP loves me, etc, etc. But the company is kinda incompetent. Like we make really good products, then do something stupid in the mfg process that causes stuff to fail. 3 times now within the past 5 years.
So I get paid well, but I also am eligible for a 15% bonus. For the past 3 years the bonuses have been:
2 years ago: 0%
Last year: 60% (So, 9% of the 15%)
This year: 0% <-- I'm guessing, we find out next week for sure. We were having a record year until it turns out we fucked up yet another manufacturing process.
At any rate, I get in there, and he says "hey, look at this"
It's our bonus report. I look at the financials and say "That's not what we reported at the end of year business update." (I wrote the #s down).
Turns out: The board and executives decided that the people currently at the company should not be punished for the mistakes of those who were cleaned out, and they based the bonus on revised numbers that took out the impact of the manufacturing fuck ups!
I won't get the full 15% bonus, but I think I'm getting 80-95% of it (the final #s are next week).
It's not me, it's someone else.
We hired these retards to give us a talk. I'm deciding if I should:
1) attend for the wise-ass remark and entertainment value
2) take a day of vacation
3) refuse and see what happens
Went with option #2. Gave me a chance to take the car in for a couple recall issues, neither of which were severe.
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
We're in the middle of redoing our entire DB-report function for our team's website product. No one really showed me much concrete code until a couple weeks ago. It was written by our new intro dev who's barely, if ever, used .Net.
Me: So, how'd you handle all the table joins?
Newbie: Exhaustively hardcoded them.
Me: We have around 1500 possibilities you'd need to deal with for this to work for everything we want. How many do you have so far?
Newbie: About 20.
Me: Well, you wasted that time, then, because we're doing it a sane way instead.
Edited By Malcolm on 1439593225
Me: So, how'd you handle all the table joins?
Newbie: Exhaustively hardcoded them.
Me: We have around 1500 possibilities you'd need to deal with for this to work for everything we want. How many do you have so far?
Newbie: About 20.
Me: Well, you wasted that time, then, because we're doing it a sane way instead.
Edited By Malcolm on 1439593225
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
I work for that guy.
I mean my boss isn't dumb, not at all he's actually quite bright. He just doesn't normally think in terms of automation or recursion as a first approach, at least not as much as I do. I keep surprising him by doing things orders of magnitude faster than he thought was possible.
Today was a good example. He makes a template folder for the Program Review files and gives me a list of all the different programs undergoing review for which each will need such a folder with all those files in t. Should take about two hours to copy and rename them all. I dump the list into Excel to whip up xcopy lines and shove those into a batch file that I run; total time start to finish just under two minutes.
I mean my boss isn't dumb, not at all he's actually quite bright. He just doesn't normally think in terms of automation or recursion as a first approach, at least not as much as I do. I keep surprising him by doing things orders of magnitude faster than he thought was possible.
Today was a good example. He makes a template folder for the Program Review files and gives me a list of all the different programs undergoing review for which each will need such a folder with all those files in t. Should take about two hours to copy and rename them all. I dump the list into Excel to whip up xcopy lines and shove those into a batch file that I run; total time start to finish just under two minutes.
"ATTENTION: Customers browsing porn must hold magazines with both hands at all times!"