Fuck you, Orville Redenbacher

Post by **GORDON** » Wed Jul 01, 2015 9:20 am

I like caramel popcorn. I don't eat it very often, though, because I tend to eat it until I hit the bottom of the bag.

So once a quarter, or so, I will put a bag of popcorn in the microwave, then melt the caramel packet all over it, and watch some movie while eating warm, gooey caramel popcorn.

So I bought a new box, recently... they usually come in 2 or 3 packs. I bought Orville Redenbacher's Salted Caramel Popcorn. I usually just get "caramel," but i figured the "salted" was just some new thing, and they were out of straight-"caramel" anyway, and maybe the salt makes the caramel flavor pop more.

This shit is NOT caramel popcorn. I could kinda/sorta smell some caramel while it was in the microwave, but it is just salt with a hint of a memory of a dream of caramel flavor. I don't know what goddam fucking business those uncle fucking assholes have putting the word "caramel" and a picture of fucking caramel on the box, but they are goddam incompetent asshole idiots with their heads up their asses and they should all fucking be fired and have their kids farmed out for adoption to gay couples. There were probably also millennials on the advertising team.

Anyway don't buy that because it's bullshit.

Post by **Vince** » Wed Jul 01, 2015 10:04 am

Noted. No Redenbacher popcorn. Also do no screw with Gordo's caramel.

Malcolm · Post by **Malcolm** » Wed Jul 01, 2015 10:47 am

Buy some caramel chews from the dollar store. Melt them.

Edited By Malcolm on 1435762085

Post by **GORDON** » Wed Jul 01, 2015 4:17 pm

It's the lies that grind my gears. The lies and deceptions.

Post by **TPRJones** » Wed Jul 01, 2015 5:07 pm

Don't try the new "croissant" hot dog from Sonic, then.

Post by **GORDON** » Wed Jul 01, 2015 5:10 pm

And then there was the whole "Wendy's Ghost Pepper Fries" fiasco.

These marketing fuckers are just going off the rails.

Alhazad · Post by **Alhazad** » Thu Jul 02, 2015 4:20 pm

GORDON wrote:And then there was the whole "Wendy's Ghost Pepper Fries" fiasco.

These marketing fuckers are just going off the rails.

Are those not any good? I was going to try them.

Post by **GORDON** » Thu Jul 02, 2015 4:24 pm

Alhazad wrote:
GORDON wrote:And then there was the whole "Wendy's Ghost Pepper Fries" fiasco.

These marketing fuckers are just going off the rails.
Are those not any good? I was going to try them.

We discussed them here....

The verdict was that they were good, but they weren't ghost peppers, and it's just strange to lie like that.

My local Wendy's just stopped selling them. I ordered them three times while they were available.

Post by **TPRJones** » Thu Jul 02, 2015 4:31 pm

In that case it's probably better that they were lying. Ghost pepper heat is the sort of heat wings restaurants tend to require signed waivers before you eat 'em. It's novelty food, not something you'd really want for lunch.

Malcolm · Post by **Malcolm** » Thu Jul 02, 2015 8:02 pm

TPRJones wrote:In that case it's probably better that they were lying. Ghost pepper heat is the sort of heat wings restaurants tend to require signed waivers before you eat 'em. It's novelty food, not something you'd really want for lunch.

After a marathon hot sauce-eating competition at work (my first week), the dumb-asses finished off with the ghost pepper sauce I linked. I did a few shots of it. Was ill for an hour after. On the plus side, rest of the day was paid vacation. Got sent home with an escort to my car, in case my stomach lining suddenly lost integrity and I collapsed.