Posted: Fri May 16, 2014 12:45 am
Synopsis:
Paul W.S. Anderson does some coke, writes a shitty screenplay, and still has his box quadruple his budget.
Review:
Milla Jovavich and zombies, v5.0. They randomly take away characters from the previous movie, keep some, re-add a couple folk from the original, including TWO, count 'em, 2 versions of Michelle "The Female Man" Rodriguez. Both die. You won't care. They also add Ada Wong as Asian Alice and resurrect Jill Valentine as Badly Bleached Blonde Alice, and have a "blink and you'll miss it" cameo from Barry Burton before he pulls an Idris Elba.
The Red Queen decides to wipe out humanity because ... they're never clear on that. Alice and her buddies are aided by the dude that tried to kill them in the last movie, for some reason. Fuck it. They're trapped in a clone factory/zombie disease simulation facility underneath the sea around the godforsaken Kamchatka Peninsula. Why a clone factory? To simulate the zombie breakouts. Keep in mind that humanity is dwindling down to next to no one, and the pockets left are besieged by zombies. That's important because Alice and Co. make a conscious decision to blow it the fuck up. The thing that could repopulate the human race because it could xerox ad infinitum any survivors and jumpstart civilization again.
Anyway, the only new hitch here would be the Las Plagas zombies. Shambling corpses that can use weapons, communicate verbally, operate in groups, possess decent motor skills and hand-eye coordination, so really just a hideous looking bipedal thing with most of the mental faculties of a human, but with the added benefit of being immune to anything sort of traumatic brain injury. I assume it cut down on the zombie shuffle choreography.
After an ending which makes no sense in which cast members are seemingly killed off at random, they set up a sequel where Alice is a super-strong and -fast zombie terminator again, fending off the hordes from the last fortress of resistance, the fucking White House. The dude who tried to kill her last movie has taken up residence there. The zombie mutant humanoid dude that has to eat brains and blood to live.
Review:
If you need a mindless zombie flick, it's, uh, it's there. Don't even try to attempt to make a foray into venturing into entertaining the shallowest, faintest, hint of an inkling of character development, plot, continuity, or anything that watchable movies have. The Asylum could have churned out the screenplay. The difference in the execution is a few names in the cast and a fuck-fuck-fuckload of money.
Edited By Malcolm on 1400249665
Paul W.S. Anderson does some coke, writes a shitty screenplay, and still has his box quadruple his budget.
Review:
Milla Jovavich and zombies, v5.0. They randomly take away characters from the previous movie, keep some, re-add a couple folk from the original, including TWO, count 'em, 2 versions of Michelle "The Female Man" Rodriguez. Both die. You won't care. They also add Ada Wong as Asian Alice and resurrect Jill Valentine as Badly Bleached Blonde Alice, and have a "blink and you'll miss it" cameo from Barry Burton before he pulls an Idris Elba.
The Red Queen decides to wipe out humanity because ... they're never clear on that. Alice and her buddies are aided by the dude that tried to kill them in the last movie, for some reason. Fuck it. They're trapped in a clone factory/zombie disease simulation facility underneath the sea around the godforsaken Kamchatka Peninsula. Why a clone factory? To simulate the zombie breakouts. Keep in mind that humanity is dwindling down to next to no one, and the pockets left are besieged by zombies. That's important because Alice and Co. make a conscious decision to blow it the fuck up. The thing that could repopulate the human race because it could xerox ad infinitum any survivors and jumpstart civilization again.
Anyway, the only new hitch here would be the Las Plagas zombies. Shambling corpses that can use weapons, communicate verbally, operate in groups, possess decent motor skills and hand-eye coordination, so really just a hideous looking bipedal thing with most of the mental faculties of a human, but with the added benefit of being immune to anything sort of traumatic brain injury. I assume it cut down on the zombie shuffle choreography.
After an ending which makes no sense in which cast members are seemingly killed off at random, they set up a sequel where Alice is a super-strong and -fast zombie terminator again, fending off the hordes from the last fortress of resistance, the fucking White House. The dude who tried to kill her last movie has taken up residence there. The zombie mutant humanoid dude that has to eat brains and blood to live.
Review:
If you need a mindless zombie flick, it's, uh, it's there. Don't even try to attempt to make a foray into venturing into entertaining the shallowest, faintest, hint of an inkling of character development, plot, continuity, or anything that watchable movies have. The Asylum could have churned out the screenplay. The difference in the execution is a few names in the cast and a fuck-fuck-fuckload of money.
Edited By Malcolm on 1400249665