Posted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 8:32 pm
It was 1966, and a dude named Bill Shatner was destined to star as Jim Tiberius Kirk. However, he also portrayed the lead in this B&W Esperanto horror flick. You'll note that there are 0 speakers of that language, so I'm not sure who the target audience was.
Spoilers, but you won't care because you'll never watch this except while thoroughly intoxicated.
A succubus gets bored of cockteasing nothing but sinful, evil men. It's like playing Jacksonville every week and she's Denver and needs a challenge. Naturally, she picks William Shatner. That doesn't work out too well because he subjects her to love, which is the succubus version of rape. In response, they summon the incubus, who looks like a cross between a Baltic hobo and a Mediterranean hobo. He literally crawls out of the dirt, so it might be. He rapes Shatner's sister to death, somehow ... or more probably it was the stench of a filthy homeless person that had been sleeping in the ground in a graveyard every night for the past fifteen years. Shatner stabs him with wood, broken off from a fence post. This murder stains his soul and something, something, something, makes him easier prey for the minions of hell. It gets a bit fuzzy from here as the incubus shapeshifts into a goat-man (totally scooping Jim Bruer on SNL) and beats the fuck out of Shatner like a Baron of Hell that just shot steroids into both his horns. The succubus figures she'd rather have some Kirk dong than serve Satan forever, so she declares her soul for God (the Christian one). That somehow drives off goat-man-hobo, and the movie just fucking ends, most likely because the dude doing the subtitles just up and left. Whether it was a matter of pride, whisky, or lack of pay, we'll never know.
I assume Bill's casting went something like this, "Hey, we need a man that looks and sounds like he can seduce a woman's whose purpose in life is seducing men. Is Sean Connery available?"
"Not for what we've got to pay. This movie is in fucking Esperanto. That dude who paid up on the drunken bet that night is getting producer cred, remember?"
"Oh yeah. What about the guy we saw on that Twilight Zone rerun last night? Let's get him."
Spoilers, but you won't care because you'll never watch this except while thoroughly intoxicated.
A succubus gets bored of cockteasing nothing but sinful, evil men. It's like playing Jacksonville every week and she's Denver and needs a challenge. Naturally, she picks William Shatner. That doesn't work out too well because he subjects her to love, which is the succubus version of rape. In response, they summon the incubus, who looks like a cross between a Baltic hobo and a Mediterranean hobo. He literally crawls out of the dirt, so it might be. He rapes Shatner's sister to death, somehow ... or more probably it was the stench of a filthy homeless person that had been sleeping in the ground in a graveyard every night for the past fifteen years. Shatner stabs him with wood, broken off from a fence post. This murder stains his soul and something, something, something, makes him easier prey for the minions of hell. It gets a bit fuzzy from here as the incubus shapeshifts into a goat-man (totally scooping Jim Bruer on SNL) and beats the fuck out of Shatner like a Baron of Hell that just shot steroids into both his horns. The succubus figures she'd rather have some Kirk dong than serve Satan forever, so she declares her soul for God (the Christian one). That somehow drives off goat-man-hobo, and the movie just fucking ends, most likely because the dude doing the subtitles just up and left. Whether it was a matter of pride, whisky, or lack of pay, we'll never know.
I assume Bill's casting went something like this, "Hey, we need a man that looks and sounds like he can seduce a woman's whose purpose in life is seducing men. Is Sean Connery available?"
"Not for what we've got to pay. This movie is in fucking Esperanto. That dude who paid up on the drunken bet that night is getting producer cred, remember?"
"Oh yeah. What about the guy we saw on that Twilight Zone rerun last night? Let's get him."