Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 2:28 pm
I'd swear to jeebus there was a thread on this, but search reveals nothing.
Synopsis:
Stupid kids go on a "tour" of Pripyat, the town on the outskirts of the titular reactor. Bad shit goes down.
Review:
There's a half hour span (from when they enter the abandoned city until the first gunshots) during which the flick isn't that bad. This is mainly due to the number of documentaries I've seen on this particular place and its ability to bury the needle on the creepy as all fuck-o-meter. It's a great example of what'd happen to a place that had a few neutron bombs go off. Anyhow, if you take away the shimmering veneer the atmosphere and setting lend, you notice a largely unfinished movie in terms of, "What the fuck is going on, how did things get this way?"
There's no logical rhyme or reason beyond the initial premise of "radiation does weird shit." You're forced to accept traditional low budget horror dumb-ass plot inconsistencies characteristic of lazy writing. Don't come to the table with half a script then bullshit the rest like a high schooler cramming his semester report into a single Sunday night. Complete idiocy ensues as soon as the main group of characters encounter the ... things. Everyone's IQ drops to 5 or lower, and you even have to assume some significant brain damage to a certain character prior to entering the town.
Conclusion:
Skip the film. Except maybe the alright 30 minutes.
SPOILERS FOLLOW...
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1. Military operates its quarantine procedures in a strange way, like they don't understand the concept of a perimeter. Maybe they only had enough funding for a semicircle instead of total envelopment.
2. Military contains the rad zombies or anyone coming out of the quarantine area with a lethal "shoot first, question the corpse" solution, but a one-man underground tour bus sneaks past the guards, and has been doing so for quite some time. If the bus can get in, the rad zombies can get out.
3. How fucking stupid does the tour dude have to be? He operates an unlicensed bus going into a world renown site under total military lockdown. He should have a storage locker of spare parts in that fucking bus for shit like this because it's probably bad if the Russian military finds you on their turf without the proper papers. There's no fucking Jiffy Lube nearby.
4. The best weapon he's got is a pistol? In the land of the AK-47?
5. Are the rad zombies slow and lumbering, speedy, or does it come and go as the pacing requires?
6. Did the radiation do this to them? Some quirk about that particular reactor? Did the radiation mutate a virus that did it? Is it contagious? I only ask because...
7. Why does the military not exterminate the motherfuckers? "Hey, you know that site all those nuclear and anti-nuclear activists and regulatory agency guys flock to? You think we ought to clear out the cannibal radiation zombie population that inhabits the area, so no one EVER finds out about this? It's cool and all that we're sort of stopping them from leaving but aren't all the witness murders going to make families and friends come around asking questions? Just sayin'."
8. Why would you keep a fucking cell full of those things behind your lines, secured only by two or three door hinges? I'm sure Russian military surplus door hinges are of the highest quality, but again, WHY? Keep around a handful for experimental purposes. KILL them rest. There is no world in which "Man-eating Zombies Discovered Living Near Reactor" is a headline that yields good PR or easy answers for your country.
9. Even if you've got a cell full of radiation zombies, why would you toss the female survivor to them for execution instead of putting a bullet through her head at the same time her friend got it? "Quick, get a stretcher and IV! We need to stabilize her so we can throw her to the zombies!" I expect that sort of moronic decision from an American bureaucrat, not a Russian one.
Synopsis:
Stupid kids go on a "tour" of Pripyat, the town on the outskirts of the titular reactor. Bad shit goes down.
Review:
There's a half hour span (from when they enter the abandoned city until the first gunshots) during which the flick isn't that bad. This is mainly due to the number of documentaries I've seen on this particular place and its ability to bury the needle on the creepy as all fuck-o-meter. It's a great example of what'd happen to a place that had a few neutron bombs go off. Anyhow, if you take away the shimmering veneer the atmosphere and setting lend, you notice a largely unfinished movie in terms of, "What the fuck is going on, how did things get this way?"
There's no logical rhyme or reason beyond the initial premise of "radiation does weird shit." You're forced to accept traditional low budget horror dumb-ass plot inconsistencies characteristic of lazy writing. Don't come to the table with half a script then bullshit the rest like a high schooler cramming his semester report into a single Sunday night. Complete idiocy ensues as soon as the main group of characters encounter the ... things. Everyone's IQ drops to 5 or lower, and you even have to assume some significant brain damage to a certain character prior to entering the town.
Conclusion:
Skip the film. Except maybe the alright 30 minutes.
SPOILERS FOLLOW...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
1. Military operates its quarantine procedures in a strange way, like they don't understand the concept of a perimeter. Maybe they only had enough funding for a semicircle instead of total envelopment.
2. Military contains the rad zombies or anyone coming out of the quarantine area with a lethal "shoot first, question the corpse" solution, but a one-man underground tour bus sneaks past the guards, and has been doing so for quite some time. If the bus can get in, the rad zombies can get out.
3. How fucking stupid does the tour dude have to be? He operates an unlicensed bus going into a world renown site under total military lockdown. He should have a storage locker of spare parts in that fucking bus for shit like this because it's probably bad if the Russian military finds you on their turf without the proper papers. There's no fucking Jiffy Lube nearby.
4. The best weapon he's got is a pistol? In the land of the AK-47?
5. Are the rad zombies slow and lumbering, speedy, or does it come and go as the pacing requires?
6. Did the radiation do this to them? Some quirk about that particular reactor? Did the radiation mutate a virus that did it? Is it contagious? I only ask because...
7. Why does the military not exterminate the motherfuckers? "Hey, you know that site all those nuclear and anti-nuclear activists and regulatory agency guys flock to? You think we ought to clear out the cannibal radiation zombie population that inhabits the area, so no one EVER finds out about this? It's cool and all that we're sort of stopping them from leaving but aren't all the witness murders going to make families and friends come around asking questions? Just sayin'."
8. Why would you keep a fucking cell full of those things behind your lines, secured only by two or three door hinges? I'm sure Russian military surplus door hinges are of the highest quality, but again, WHY? Keep around a handful for experimental purposes. KILL them rest. There is no world in which "Man-eating Zombies Discovered Living Near Reactor" is a headline that yields good PR or easy answers for your country.
9. Even if you've got a cell full of radiation zombies, why would you toss the female survivor to them for execution instead of putting a bullet through her head at the same time her friend got it? "Quick, get a stretcher and IV! We need to stabilize her so we can throw her to the zombies!" I expect that sort of moronic decision from an American bureaucrat, not a Russian one.