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So I've mentioned that she legally separated from her husband about 6 years ago.... not divorced, because she wanted to stay on his UAW health insurance and was getting some cash in spousal support. To my knowledge she has only spoken to him once in the time she has been living here, he called to say hi. His kids pretty much hate my MIL because they see how she is using him.

He was found dead today of congestive heart failure... total surprise.

The first thing my MIL says when we are called is that she wants to be the one to plan the funeral, and his kids will pay for it, because she is his wife and that's what the wife gets to do. Also her mind immediately sharpens and she starts telling us in detail how she is entitled to his UAW pension and his Social Security payments.

"Harpy" is not a strong enough word for this woman. She literally might be the worst human I've ever encountered.

We are taking her to the funeral but we are keeping her away from the funeral planning. She's pissed. I am pretty much picturing her taking over as the grieving widow, center of attention, everybody look at me, suddenly so sad over her dead husband she hasn't seen in 6 years.

Sorry for your wife's loss... and that you have to put up with your MIL.

So far she has outlived 2 of her 3 husband's... Which is not surprising, as only the good die young. I better watch my back though because we don't yet know what her third wish was.

Wife, her brother, my kid, and MIL are playing a board game while I do dishes. It is some sort of game where you get impossible questions and the closest guess wins. MIL is getting pissed, "How in anyone supposed to know that?" and over and over it is explained to her that you aren't supposed to know, just guess. She's getting angrier and angrier. "I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY ANTS A GIANT ANTEATER EATS EVERY DAY." And once again, "Mom, none of us know, you just guess."

"Well I don't know how to guess."

And that may be true. She just locks up.

She also got pissed about having to guess the diameter of a basketball hoop, in inches. "I don't watch basketball, I don't know."

Question: "What's the largest litter a dog ever had?"

MIL - "Well a dog only has 8 tits so it has to be 8."

(Answer was 24 btw)

Oh, that conversation wasn't over.

"Mom, the number of nipples doesn't determine how many babies an animal can have."

MIL - "WELL I DON'T CARE HOW MANY NIPPLES A DOG HAS."

I almost wish for videos of this stuff.

almost...

Huh. You could take videos of her being a pain in the ass and put them on Facebook.

I could try, but this stuff happens so organically, and I am always shocked as a rational human being, and I'm old, so my first thought is never, "Grab the camera phone."

But I can try.

Set it up at every dinner, since she always wants to chap your ass over what you offer to buy and cook for free.

We're pretty much past that... when I stopped caring, I stopped paying attention to her bitching about my cooking and let her cook for herself. Now I just listen to my wife bitch about my cooking.

It's a hundred little things my MIL does that get to you. You tell her for the hundredth time that, "No, coffee cups go up in THIS cupboard." She says for the hundredth time that she just can't remember being told that. You tell her for the hundredth time that she has said that a hundred times. She says for the hundredth time she doesn't remember saying that a hundred times.

Then the day her husband dies, she starts busting out facts and figures and timelines for how much of his social security and Ford pension she is entitled to, which turns all of our heads, including the 11 year old child, who actually make the comment on his own after she leaves the room, "Wow, her mind suddenly got very sharp, didn't it."

And it drives you mad.

Were they really facts or just meaningless figures she was making up?

Malcolm wrote:Were they really facts or just meaningless figures she was making up?

Nope, we didn't actually know Social Security had "Survivor Benefits" for the widow or widower, and we didn't know she would get his Ford pension. She knew all these things and mentioned them within about 2 minutes of our being informed he had died. When I looked it up, she was right about it all. But, she can't remember to put egg shells in the compost bin, "We didn't have those when I was growing up and I don't know what it is for." "I've explained it to you a hundred times/no you haven't."

And after that the wife and I discussed privately how we were almost each worth more dead, to each other.... enough to make the prospect interesting. It's good to be open and honest with each other. So we're watching our backs.

The odds of her being a financial savant seem ... limited.

But the chances of her being a money grubbing horrible woman are very high.

I think it shows what's important to her and what's not.

She's focused on cash, but couldn't give a fuck about your kitchen rules.

Leisher wrote:I think it shows what's important to her and what's not.

She's focused on cash, but couldn't give a fuck about your kitchen rules.

If you get that power of attorney over her confused, addled brain, you might get her to listen.

Her behavior is a textbook example of gaslighting.

She obviously has faculties and memory -- she remembers every detail of what's owed to her, but when it comes time to discuss what she owes anyone else, it becomes much more convenient for her if you believe that she's a doddery old woman with a rotten brain, so she puts on a real fine show and lies to your face trying to get you to doubt what you know.

I'm flipping my position. You should drop this toxic waste down a well as soon as possible.