Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 7:57 pm
I resigned as manager, effective in two weeks.
Staying at the company, just going back to being an engineer.
Staying at the company, just going back to being an engineer.
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Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 9:44 pm
Now your coworkers can look at you and say YOU'RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!
Posted: Tue May 28, 2013 8:41 pm
I think the best part is that when management does stupid things, like today, at least I can say I'm not part of management.
God management is dumb.
God management is dumb.
Posted: Tue May 28, 2013 8:54 pm
Amen.TheCatt wrote:God management is dumb.
Posted: Wed May 29, 2013 8:12 pm
Answer: Three weeks.
Question: When setting up an automated file copy process, how long does it take a project manager and techie admin to determine and agree upon the source directory?
Mystery: Why the fuck was it three weeks of my time instead of theirs? And why the fuck was it 2.9999999999 weeks of listening to them disagree and 0.0000000001 weeks of me getting the correct privs to check myself?
Question: When setting up an automated file copy process, how long does it take a project manager and techie admin to determine and agree upon the source directory?
Mystery: Why the fuck was it three weeks of my time instead of theirs? And why the fuck was it 2.9999999999 weeks of listening to them disagree and 0.0000000001 weeks of me getting the correct privs to check myself?
Posted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 9:04 pm
Today, I was promoted to Senior Principal Engineer. Basically, it means database/software architect. I am considered a management-level individual contributor. So I get the management bonus (15%), but none of the management shit.
Oh, and I got two cakes + ice cream. woot.
Oh.... and this guy:
The best part about being manager: I gave him the lowest performance rating possible, and no raise. He ended up quitting a few months later. Win.
Oh, and I got two cakes + ice cream. woot.
Oh.... and this guy:
Last Friday, someone had been working on something for >3 days. It was about 1/2 to 1 day of work. I got into a management meeting, and two managers told me that a particular database upgrade wouldn't work according to that person. "No, all upgrades work" I said. They said employee X said otherwise. So after the meeting, I talked to employee X and he stated that he was correct. I asked why? "Because that's how I fixed the previous problem."
Apparently creating a WHOLE NEW PROBLEM was his solution. And taking 3.5 days to do it. (Quite frankly, it was 4 hours of work) The release manager announced that everyone would be working that weekend. This employee said "Hell if I'm working on this god damned stuff all weekend" and stormed off.
The best part about being manager: I gave him the lowest performance rating possible, and no raise. He ended up quitting a few months later. Win.
Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 12:07 am
On my team of four devs, I'm now the only one doing any work on our main project. Three are pimped out to other projects, I'm pimped out 2/3rds of the way. This wouldn't be so bad except that we've averaged one huge critical showstopping production issue per week over the past couple months. But management assures us they give a fuck about our project.
Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 7:22 am
That's the perfect job.TheCatt wrote:Today, I was promoted to Senior Principal Engineer. Basically, it means database/software architect. I am considered a management-level individual contributor. So I get the management bonus (15%), but none of the management shit.
Posted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 1:53 pm
One of our customers is going live on our software in two months. I just found this out.
Me: We have two projects in progress to test their software configuration, but those projects won't be completed until May. They can't test their configuration until those projects are complete. There's no way they can go live in April.
Marketing: Just change those projects to have deliverables in line with their testing.
Me: OK, buy me a time machine.
Me: We have two projects in progress to test their software configuration, but those projects won't be completed until May. They can't test their configuration until those projects are complete. There's no way they can go live in April.
Marketing: Just change those projects to have deliverables in line with their testing.
Me: OK, buy me a time machine.
Posted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 2:26 pm
90% of software pain I've dealt with comes from idiot managers moving deadlines up and biz analysts getting initial requirements wrong and/or changing existing requirements. I've stopped putting anymore than five minutes of forethought into code design.
Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:41 pm
Work has been driving me insane recently. Last year, this joint made me sit through 4 hours worth of interactive "bronze" computer security training. Managers had to sit through that plus about three or four times more ("silver" training). It's completely worthless and obviously written by someone that gives exactly zero fucks about actual computer security. You wade through a sea of mediocre slides that could have been done on Powerpoint, but some ass clown decided to Java that shit up, so it takes ten times as long to load as Powerpoint. In between sets of slides, you take multi-choice tests. You have infinity tries and the set of questions they swap out for new ones is limited at best. If you're literate, you should have no problem. Even if you're not, an IQ above 50 should work. If that's troublesome, systematic answer selection eventually gets you past things.
This training was immediately put to the test by two situations:
Management: Since you migrated domains you need to renew your security certificate so you can RDP to your machine.
Me: Ok. You realize I'm up on call next week and if I can't RDP in and something happens, you're pretty much screwed, right? You also realize there is a deploy happening in production next week? Which is sort of why I requested the migration be delayed and why I'm currently delaying setting up my new desktop.
So, whatever. I start following the docs on the process last Friday morning. I follow every step which assures me, so I've been told, a genuine certificate. Nope. It's a genuine certificate request which hasn't budged a smegging inch since last week. But part of the step-by-step process involves me clicking on a link in an e-mail with an invalid digital signature to an off-shore URL. It was so bad, I actually reported it as spam to the email admins. Nope. That shit is legit. I reminded the manager that is the exactly the kind of thing their training said I should never, ever click on. Because reputable vendors keep that shit up to date.
We are also in the middle of implementing a large security flaw in our code on purpose because we made some crazy, crazy-ass pinkie swears with a client. As an added bonus, we have to get inspected by a security bot scan once a quarter. Most recent scan came back more in the red than normal because they've tightened their standards. The red falls on my shoulders. Fixing it in the month they've given me will be a damn miracle.
Me: You realize that this introduces numerous holes in our website that violate every single information integrity principle I know? In fact, this goes 180 degrees against a fix we just put in last week to fill a separate but equally dangerous hole.
The Biz: Yeah but we promised this three months ago.
Me: So they don't have it now, they still won't.
The Biz: They already know we do it for someone else.
Me: [looks at team manager who doesn't realize the first "it" got approved when the bot was looser and no one really gave a fuck about site access control] We do it for someone else?
Team manager: [with a stare that makes a deer in the headlights look positively deep in thought and a tone that makes Bill Lumbergh sound uplifting and motivational] I think we have to put this in.
This training was immediately put to the test by two situations:
Management: Since you migrated domains you need to renew your security certificate so you can RDP to your machine.
Me: Ok. You realize I'm up on call next week and if I can't RDP in and something happens, you're pretty much screwed, right? You also realize there is a deploy happening in production next week? Which is sort of why I requested the migration be delayed and why I'm currently delaying setting up my new desktop.
So, whatever. I start following the docs on the process last Friday morning. I follow every step which assures me, so I've been told, a genuine certificate. Nope. It's a genuine certificate request which hasn't budged a smegging inch since last week. But part of the step-by-step process involves me clicking on a link in an e-mail with an invalid digital signature to an off-shore URL. It was so bad, I actually reported it as spam to the email admins. Nope. That shit is legit. I reminded the manager that is the exactly the kind of thing their training said I should never, ever click on. Because reputable vendors keep that shit up to date.
We are also in the middle of implementing a large security flaw in our code on purpose because we made some crazy, crazy-ass pinkie swears with a client. As an added bonus, we have to get inspected by a security bot scan once a quarter. Most recent scan came back more in the red than normal because they've tightened their standards. The red falls on my shoulders. Fixing it in the month they've given me will be a damn miracle.
Me: You realize that this introduces numerous holes in our website that violate every single information integrity principle I know? In fact, this goes 180 degrees against a fix we just put in last week to fill a separate but equally dangerous hole.
The Biz: Yeah but we promised this three months ago.
Me: So they don't have it now, they still won't.
The Biz: They already know we do it for someone else.
Me: [looks at team manager who doesn't realize the first "it" got approved when the bot was looser and no one really gave a fuck about site access control] We do it for someone else?
Team manager: [with a stare that makes a deer in the headlights look positively deep in thought and a tone that makes Bill Lumbergh sound uplifting and motivational] I think we have to put this in.
Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:04 am
Here's what I imagine the documented process is to give Malcolm an assignment at work:
1) write up what you need in a note
2) tie the note to the neck of an unopened bottle of whiskey
3) open office door, slide whiskey in, close office door
4) run
Edited By TPRJones on 1393304707
1) write up what you need in a note
2) tie the note to the neck of an unopened bottle of whiskey
3) open office door, slide whiskey in, close office door
4) run
Edited By TPRJones on 1393304707
Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:59 am
Office door? Not even close.TPRJones wrote:Here's what I imagine the documented process is to give Malcolm an assignment at work:
1) write up what you need in a note
2) tie the note to the neck of an unopened bottle of whiskey
3) open office door, slide whiskey in, close office door
4) run
Also found out that I was forcibly migrated to a new domain at work ... and they're already issuing bad security certs for it. Naturally, there's a form to fill out to get a corrected cert. It's a known issue and they still do it. And they still force people to the new domain. And you have to go through an artificial step to finish it. W. T. F. I hope the Linux boxes go on the tweek. Everyone there is allergic to that OS and refuses to learn it should I need to go to a non-extradition country for a few weeks.
Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 7:30 am
I just started a new job 2 weeks ago. I have an office. In fact, they built out our whole area to be offices. They're not, like, Don Draper offices, but they're new, shiny, have motorized desks (so you can do the standing thing), and half of them have windows.
Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 9:03 am
Different company?thibodeaux wrote:I just started a new job 2 weeks ago. I have an office. In fact, they built out our whole area to be offices. They're not, like, Don Draper offices, but they're new, shiny, have motorized desks (so you can do the standing thing), and half of them have windows.
Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 3:12 pm
yep
Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 3:15 pm
Are you going to exceed or merely meet expectations, there?
Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 3:24 pm
So... did your old place take down the recruiting video that was starring you? 
Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 3:29 pm
Not yet. Although they were re-shooting it on my last day. WTF, my seat wasn't even cold.TheCatt wrote:So... did your old place take down the recruiting video that was starring you?
Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 3:29 pm
I've got 35 pieces of flair.GORDON wrote:Are you going to exceed or merely meet expectations, there?