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Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 5:52 pm
by TheCatt
My wife and I had a conversation about them the other day, and I mentioned (prodded) that most women I'd received them from kinda sucked (no pun intended) at giving them. Also had the most variety of quality I'd say. Like, a hand job is pretty much a hand job, and wasn't much different from person to person. Sex had more variable quality, but was generally in the realm of "good." But blow jobs... man, most of the people* I got them from were awful. Just didn't know what they were doing, and so I'm just sitting there going "Ugh, why are we doing this? Too bad I can't just fake an orgasm." I'd say that prior to my wife, the tally was something like: 1 person - Awesome; 3 or 4 - Decent; All the others - Awful/Bad
* - All of said people were women.
I read some article the other day that basically said "Don't worry, if a man's cock is in your mouth, he's already in heaven!" NO. THIS IS NOT TRUE. Treating my cock like a delicate flower, with gentles caresses and light kissing isn't fun for long. Slow motion isn't much fun either. You know what the most fun part of sex is? The pounding part. I don't need my penis cuddled.
Just wondering what other people's experiences were.
Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 6:22 pm
by thibodeaux
Somebody hijacked Catt's account.
Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 8:16 pm
by TPRJones
I've never had a good blowjob. Usually there's just too much teeth (and a couple of times, blood). Or they go to the other extreme and try to do some sort of fancy flicking or tickling.
"Stop gnawing on that and get your ass up here, honey."
Edited By TPRJones on 1307405809
Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 10:05 pm
by Malcolm
(and a couple of times, blood)
Goddamn, wtf?
Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 10:11 pm
by GORDON
Malcolm wrote:(and a couple of times, blood)
Goddamn, wtf?
Cats.
Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 10:23 pm
by TheCatt
GORDON wrote:Malcolm wrote:(and a couple of times, blood)
Goddamn, wtf?
Cats.
lol.
Yeah, never had blood.
Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 10:36 pm
by TPRJones
One was a crazy 90's emo chick who bit me on purpose. The other was just clumsy and had sharp teeth.
Both ended very abruptly.
Edited By TPRJones on 1307414226
Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 12:17 am
by Malcolm
The other was just clumsy and had sharp teeth.
Sharp enough to rend flesh? I repeat, goddamn.
Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 1:22 pm
by Leisher
I could write novels on women's misplaced confidence and laziness in both the bedroom and in relationships.
Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 1:36 pm
by TheCatt
Leisher wrote:I could write novels on women's misplaced confidence and laziness in both the bedroom and in relationships.
I'll be honest, when I posted this, I thought "I bet Leisher has something good to say"
Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 4:23 pm
by Leisher
TheCatt wrote:Leisher wrote:I could write novels on women's misplaced confidence and laziness in both the bedroom and in relationships.
I'll be honest, when I posted this, I thought "I bet Leisher has something good to say"
(I didn't want to disappoint you by not providing a rant, and I've got some free time, so...)
Seriously? I could go on for days about how fucked up the views are of men, women, marriage, love, infidelity, relationships, and sex in our current society.
It's irritating to turn on any TV show, pick up any magazine, watch any movie, etc. and all you hear about is how inadequate men are in bed and how we all want sex way too much. Meanwhile, the women are all supposedly really good and know how to rock their man's world. Bullshit.
Bah. I'm sort of dropping that line of thought at this point. I've already written and erased multiple paragraphs, but they start leading away from the topic at hand and take me to a much deeper subject. So let's stick to the topic...
No, most women don't have a clue how to give a proper blow job.
And is it really that difficult, particularly if we're "so easy to please"?
Pro Tip: Kissing, licking, and sucking on it won't get the job done.
Turn on your computer and go to one of the 9,453,276,189,533,634,820,141 free porn sites out there and take notes. Then try them out on your man. Guess what you should do next? Talk to him. Find out what he likes and do that. Eventually, you'll be able to get him off as quickly as he can get himself off (what do you think he's doing in the shower?).
Communication is key. It's not just for talking about feelings. It's important in the bedroom too, but I've rarely ever heard a woman utter that fact.
And yes ladies, make him do the same thing. I'm not here preaching that you should be doing anything to us that we shouldn't also do for you.
Although, I do also want to mention that you need to get over the "cum is gross" high school bullshit. Stop dodging it like it's an Alien's acid blood. We're not ducking and weaving like Mike Tyson is throwing punches at us when we're down on you. You probably haven't thought this through, but we can't dodge your "love juices". If you won't take your man's cum in your mouth (or face, tits, ass, stomach, etc.), then what gives you the right to demand that from him?
And FYI, taking a shot to the face isn't degrading or any bullshit like that. If you really stand by your believe that it is, then take a look at your man's face the next time he has been down on you. See that sheen on his face? You just "degraded" him. Fucking misandrist! 
(For any man who uses any part of this argument to get a blow job or cum on his wife's face, I accept cash and gift cards. I also have a wish list on Steam.)
(For any woman who reads it, please understand that I'm not a woman hater. In fact, my entire life has been spend trying to better communicate with you and make you happy. Make sure your man treats you right. Opens doors, makes you feel safe, gives you great orgasms, puts food in your fridge, etc. and if he does, doesn't that warrant a little bit of research and communication to put a smile on his face? It's only fair...)
Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 4:51 pm
by GORDON
Leisher wrote:And FYI, taking a shot to the face isn't degrading or any bullshit like that. If you really stand by your believe that it is, then take a look at your man's face the next time he has been down on you. See that sheen on his face? You just "degraded" him. Fucking misandrist!
This is why I always wait until she's asleep before I do that.